Thorns and Roses

'It has been three years now. It is fading like a flower . It is evaporating into thin air but I dont want this to happen...trust me I dont want to..why is it so unbriddled? why ??' Nalini blurted out. I was gaped in awe. Didnt know what to say. Had met her few minutes back. We were waiting outside the eye specialist's chamber. I was like erm.. what?? why?? She started crying. Though she was a stranger and some how I had a feeling that had encountered with an almost lunatic person, I still felt bad for her. I understood. Every other girl in the city is shattered now and then. Does anybody care?? Never. If you are amiable,emotional you will be trampled thats the rule.I just somehow held back my wrath.
                I tried to calm her down because everybody was staring at us. It took some time but tears still rolled down her cheeks. I said 'come lets have phuchka'. 'nope' she said. 'you know I really loved him with all my soul, I still love him but he doesnt and i dont  know whether he ever loved me but tell me why did he propose to me? come close to me? Now he has got a job and he has left'
where?
he flew to US!!
awww.. I see..dont you worry he will come back. Come back to you.
No he said he needs his space, he said he feels claustrophobic with me around him always,he said its been a long time since he wanted to say this but didnt have the courage to face me so he is saying it now.
'I am sorry Nalini. Plz forgive me' he said 'and so that I could forgive him easily he banged the phone on my face'
when did this happen?
yesterday. since then I cant take a grip on myself. Just dont know where I forgot all my strength.I am circumscribed in a conundrum. What to do? tell me..You will ask me to move on.. Is it so easy? is it? he used to always chide me,avoid me, make me feel small but I have no idea how did I fall for him.I still wonder!! I could stake my life for him, I could love him more than myself, I could ... i could...and he is not with me.

Nalini are you done. This will sound weird but trust me you are lucky, you are free now,you can see anyone you want to,you can explore love,you can be happy,and above all you can smile!!
I dont feel like living.
Jesus! common for your parents atleast you will have to be happy, face everything, you will have to live to support them.Can they live without you?
yess.
huh!!??
They have separated long time back. I have no idea where they are now. neither am I interested. sorry ya, i just have been so banal. I dont have much friends. Dont think am a loner I love to socialize but destiny resorted to its worst chicanery to ensnare me into a lonely world.
It was nice meeting you.
Can I have your no.?
cool
will call you sometime.
sure thing!!
 Patient 92..
Patient 92..(shout)
yess.yess. I got up and made a move towards the doctor's cabin. Was thinking about her. Feeling bad about her but couldnt help her. Yess. seriously what could I do? nothing . I got my eyes checked and came out of the chamber.She was still waiting. Was having a bad headache so gave a grin and waved at her scuttling all the chances of listening to all her sorrows. Came back home.Slumber gnawed me down.
             My phone rang. It was a message.By the way this happened a month later. It was Nalini's message.She had joined an NGO and is working for that. She said 'I have found my happiness.Its in serving the poor. I feel like a mother to thousands of children. I have fallen in love with a place,with these people. Atlast god has given me all I deserved. I am not ashamed of admitting that I wanted to give up, commit suicide but after I met these people I felt am not small, people need me.I am important. I am someone. I owe them my life and you are my good luck charm.After I met you every good thing is happening with me or may be have stopped being pessimistic.Lots of love.take care.keep in touch.'




  

The gamble

last year started preparing for CAT. Took preparations from TIME. My mom was sceptical in making that investment and I had to put all my not so good luck at stake and somehow made her give me the money. Days, weeks and months passed by with the declining aimcat percentiles I slowly started giving up. I started fooling around and blew away all the chances of doing well. Just turned into a glib liar while answering mom's n no. of questions day in and day out. how is it going? will you make it this time? dont feel you are that serious!! what do you intend to do?? planning to waste all the m0ney!! was stressed throughout!! my heart was thrumping hard always , something kept on haunting me. It felt like an omen is awaiting at my door step. Then I took CAT, have no idea how was it! as in bad or very bad..I took tiss also...results are out didnt qualify...sigh!! Took Xat even...got a percentile which most of the xat takers got..so dint have any chance to get any calls..my heart pounded hard...the college forms all I had bought were a waste!! I was in a complete soup. The gamble I played was over . There were sharp lances under my feet. Neither could I walk over them nor could I throw them away. The pain was destined for me. I had to endure it!! I dont know whats next! Dont know where I forgot all my zeal!!

obscure veracity

Couple of weeks back I started working with an NGO named JIGGISHA. Children from the very poor families come here. They are served with breakfast,lunch and bit of education. I was sceptical because those children were totally ignorant of what is imparted to them except for the food. They come from the dirty,dingy slums. They vary from the age group of 5 to 10. When i was interacting with them, was gaped in awe by the loads of abuses they were blurting out. They werent aware of the meaning, or didnt do to vent out wrath they just said what they had learnt by heart instead of A B C D. They dont get a healthy environment to grow up. It takes so much of effort to make them get rid of this habbit. They see their mothers getting beaten up, their fathers abusing, making love with their mothers. Very few of their parents encourage education, they are just least bothered. At the beginning I used to scold the children but now slowly have started realizing that its not their fault. They are young. They ensue whatever they see 24*7. Whatever they are nurtured with. I am perplexed. Still looking for a remedy. Still hoping to to give these kids a better future, a healthier future.